We need to stop the ‘deersanity’ this winter
To the Editor:
What gives with all the deer in Medina lately? They’re making me so mad! I can’t stand it!
I heard from my neighbor that deer populations in the city are way up. I looked at him and was like, “Barney, you didn’t need to tell me that ... all you needed to do was tell me or anyone else in the neighborhood to just look out the window at any given part of the day and see for themselves. Any logical person would be able to draw that conclusion on their own.”
Open your blinds at 5 a.m. Deer. Open your front door at noon. Deer! Pull into your driveway at 5 p.m. More deer! Will all these deer ever cease to be? Will this insanity ... nay ... “deersanity” stop? I hope so, and here’s why. Deer are a destructive nuisance that love testing my patience. I know I am not the only one who feels this way.
I talked to a nature specialist from the Medina County Parks. He went on and on about last winter was a warm winter and that allowed ! for less deer to perish from the so-called “winter kill”. What we got was a “winter chill” which doesn’t destroy deer. A “winter kill” does what God intended and thins the deer population by snowpocalypse after snowpocalypse. The only thing a “winter chill” does is make deer want to sip on pumpkin chai lattes while shopping at Old Navy for fun colored sweaters. Ugh!
What we need this winter is for the icy breath of the North to descend upon us all and punish the deer for eating our flowers and making our dogs bark all the day and night long. May they meet doom as their deer tears turn into icicles. Good riddance.